‘Guardian Reader’ Is Not An Occupation, Jobseeker Told

“Guardian reader is not an occupation,” Derry benefits officer Sharon Ferguson coldly informed jobseeker Fonsie Maguire today.

“Au contraire,” he replied amicably, “it’s a full time job staying fully informed about the world and all its many contradictions”.

Meanwhile, Ferguson formally rejected Maguire’s latest attempt to register himself under an ‘occupation’ that would allow for a greater degree of daily inactivity than he had already achieved and closed his file.

“Let me ask you something,” she snapped, “do you ever think at all?”

“All the time,” Maguire replied, “did you never hear the old saying, ‘I think, therefore I am a Guardian reader’?”