Ed Sheeran Announces Arrival Of First Hobbit Born In Captivity

Mewling pubic hairball Ed Sheeran and his pretentiously named wife Cherry Seaborn, have announced the birth of the first hobbit child to be born in captivity.

Hobbits are normally born in the wild and are often mistaken for moles.

The proud parents have signed a deal with Beijing Zoo – thought to be worth millions – in which they will partner their offspring with the Panda house to create a new enclosure, showcasing the two rare species.