“I Know A Liar When I See One,” Johnson To Tell Putin

“He doesn’t fool me for one minute,” Boris Johnson told Joe Biden on a zoom call today, “because I know a bloody liar when I see one!”

“You don’t get where I’ve gotten,” he continued, closing one eye and tapping the side of his nose with his index finger, “without being able to spot a con artist”.

Johnson said he would “tell Vladimir Putin something nobody has dared to say to his face; that he couldn’t lie straight in bed! He’s the liar’s liar. He can’t tell the truth because he doesn’t know the difference between the truth and a lie. His entire career was built on lies and distortions. The man’s simply incapable of honesty. I pity him, I really, really do.”

Insiders say a smiling President Biden only interrupted the tirade once, to ask, “Wait, are we still talking about Putin?”

A No 10 spokesman later hinted at “the PM’s conviction” that Putin ordered Keir Starmer not to prosecute Jimmy Saville when the opposition leader was in charge of the CPS. A moment later he added, “Although obviously we’d prefer if you didn’t use phrases like ‘the PM’s conviction’? At least not until Sue Gray puts him in the clear.”