Rees-Mogg Urges Leadership Contenders To “Keep It Creepy”

Jacob Rees-Mogg has urged Tory leadership contenders to avoid personal attacks and instead “remind the public how creepy we are”? Rees-Mogg, aka ‘the child catcher’, said Tory voters don’t want a slanging match, they want “weirdly cruel and unusual policies that will delight and thrill their twisted appetites”.

“Like that time we suggested Anela Rayner kept crossing and uncrossing her legs at question time,” he said, “to distract Boris? Because at heart, your typical Tory voter is a creature of the night.”

“This is why they need substance, not spectacle,” he said, “promises to make poor people clean our hospitals in return for free treatment, are meat and drink to them. Not arguments over how much someone’s shoes cost? That sort of thing is very Labour party.” His intervention came after Nadine Dorries was criticised for pointing out that Rishi Sunak had worn a pair of Prada loafers worth £450 on a visit to a construction site.

“Personally,” he sniffed, “I’ve never liked loafers? I’ve always preferred poulaines, the pointed shoes my Norman ancestors wore…”