You May Have No Work-Life Balance, Drunk Tells A&E Staff But I Have No Balance At all

As he stitched a wound in A&E ‘regular’ Jimmy Mitchell’s forehead without anaesthetic, Oliver Hartman explained that as a surgical intern, he averaged 104 hours a week, working alternate weekends.

“During these weekends,” he said, “I’m responsible for recovering surgical inpatients, as well as everyone attending the A&E. And on a Monday, this includes working right through until 5pm. So in answer to your question, ‘Why is it taking so long?’, it’s because things that only take five minutes to do at 9am on a Saturday morning, take 15 minutes at 4am on Monday morning because I only get three hours broken sleep a night!”

“No worries, doc” Mitchell replied, “just making conversation. “How long is the anaesthetic gonna last by the way?” Hartman gently reminded Mitchell that he hadn’t given him any because he was so drunk he didn’t need it.

But as he finished the procedure, he said, “I notice Jimmy that you have a lot of scars on your forehead, d’you mind me asking how you got them?”

“Not at all,” Mitchell chuckled, “sometimes I don’t remember? But often I get them from falling flat on my face while drinking and accidentally ‘glassing’ myself”.

“And do you know what that means?” Hartman said wearily, as he prepared to shock Mitchell with a warning about the impact extreme alcohol abuse has on life expectancy.

“Don’t tell me, don’t tell,” the still completely pissed Mitchell said, “it’s something we have in common, isn’t it!”

Before the zombified Hartman could even begin to reply, Mitchell shouted, “Is it that…you have no work-life balance but I have no balance at all?”

“Yes,” Hartman surrendered, as he signalled a nurse to lead Mitchell back out to the waiting area, “that’s precisely it.”