‘Ménage à Twat’ Is Not A French Expression

Dear Mr & Mrs Skinner,

We would greatly appreciate if Robert spent half as much time on his studies, as he apparently does on searching for contemporary examples of ‘the language of seduction’.

We have already explained to him that, contrary to what he may have read or heard, ‘Ménage à Twat’ is not a French expression. And certainly not one likely to ‘seduce’ in conversation, even if, as his written apology states, “It is for sure the title of a porno, ‘featuring an unexpected development in the lives of three lucky college students, Seth, Tiffany and Chantal’.”

Of altogether greater concern however, is the revelation that Robert, now in the third semester of his French Studies, believes the sequel to this astonishingly grubby video, is called ‘Ménage à Twat – Part Dux’?

While he might be forgiven for not being familiar with the euphemism which forms the first part of the title, the fact that he still thinks ‘dux’ is the French pronunciation of ‘deux,’ is very alarming indeed. Of no less concern is his insistence that the correct spelling is ‘dux’. Both of these points are covered at the start of the year. In fact, they are covered in the first lesson of the year.

It is for these reasons and no other that I have warned that Robert will almost certainly fail French. And not, as he insists, because I “just can’t handle the chemistry”.

I do think it would be in Robert’s best interests if, in addition to focusing on his studies, he got a great deal more fresh air and exercise.

Yours,

Justine Sorbe.