Clarence Thomas: “As A Supreme Court Justice, I’m Often Asked ‘How Can You Afford A Solid Gold Lawnmower’?”

“‘Mind your own Goddamn business!’ Mrs Thomas Clarence usually replies to that question. Ginny is such a hoot! But seriously, I don’t mind being asked a question like that, so long as no one doubts my answer? And my answer is always the same, ‘Not because I’m on the take, that’s for sure’!”

LiarsBible sat down today with SC Judge Clarence Thomas for a deep dive into how he handles ethical conflicts with his many wealthy contacts while juggling their cases. “That solid gold lawnmower is a darn good place to start,” Justice Thomas said. “That was given to me by the Republican mega-donor Harlan Crow, ahead of an important ruling? Now, Harlan’s a dear, dear friend of mine and we go way back. But did it influence my lone dissenting opinion in his favour? Not one little bit. Because I already liked him before he gave it to me!”

Judge Thomas then showed us the diamond studded, matching life jackets billionaire H. Wayne Huizenga gave the couple. “We only spent one month on his superyacht in the Bahamas but he told me, ‘You know the Libs will claim I put your lives at risk if I don’t insist you wear these at all times?’ and Ginny said he was right. “That’s exactly what the Goddamn libs will say,” she explained, “if we don’t put them in our suitcases when we’re leaving because you just can’t win with these people and you’re better off not trying’.”