Man Relieved He Has ‘Boner Fider’ Boner

Having discretely consulted the programme for his 14 year old daughter’s swimming gala, 43 year old Dara Humphreys was quietly relieved to learn the blonde, swim-suited source of his arousal was in fact, over the age of consent.

As a result, he clapped as loud as he could when Svetlana Mullarkey, nicknamed ‘Kournikova’ by her friends, was conferred with the 100 metres breaststroke medal.

Hoping the painful protrusion that prevented him from taking to his feet to applaud would not persist, he even went so far as to give Anna’s impressively trim-looking Russian mother, a hearty ‘thumbs up’.