Explained: How Donald Trump Plans To Make Sure WWII Never Starts

Donald Trump said today he will stop WWII from ever starting by “rewriting the Treaty Of Versailles” within 24 hours of getting elected.

“It’s very simple. You just write it so it doesn’t favour the surrender monkeys so much? Because I know Adolf Hitler very well. I’ve read his book? Nobody knows him better than me. Ask anyone. And it was the treaty that caused the war. So I might even scrap it. Because no treaty means no war?”

Biden, he said, is “cognitively impaired? He will plunge us headlong into world war two for sure. No question.”

Trump also said the risk of a second world war meant “there should be a competency test” for presidents of the sort he “aced” while in the White House.

“They showed me a picture of an elephant and I correctly identified it. ‘That’s a fine elephant,’ I said. ‘Probably one of our very finest’. I still have the photo? Everyone was amazed.”