Neck And Neck On Gaffes But Trump Has Huge Lead On Lunacy

As President Biden and Donald Trump continue to leapfrog each other on the gaffe front, the former president has opened up a huge lead on the psychedelic insanity front.

Critics point out that while the president’s mistakes remain in the barely remarkable, pedestrian league of occasionally confusing names of people or places, Trump has moved from confusing who is currently president to making weird noises and trailing off mid-sentence.

A montage of 32 clips from Trump’s two weekend speeches appeared yesterday, on the platform everyone still calls Twitter. In it, he mispronounced words, got confused, mistook some names, forgot others and babbled insane nonsense.

Democratic party strategists immediately called for Mr. Biden to announce he will not stand for re-election. “We need somebody like Weird Al Yankovic or John Stewart,” one said, “to meet a challenge of this calibre? Someone who can move seamlessly between regular speech and mooing like a cow or just vacantly staring into space”.

“It’s a stunning onslaught,” another said, “on a scale not seen since the Marx Brothers. Biden is staring down the barrel of a gun. No way he can compete with this. Trump is to gibberish, what Tom Brady is to Super Bowl wins.

Republicans were jubilant last night, tweeting things like, “They said he was losing it!” and, “America’s enemies will tremble in fear when they see this”.