Haitians Demand Asylum From Donald Trump

OHIO–Reports are coming in from Springfield of a spike in asylum applications from Haitian immigrants seeking protection from Donald Trump. The applicants who are already legally in the US, have filed new claims for relief from persecution from “Donald Dyab” (Donald the Devil).

JD Vance immediately called on Ohio to deport them, ahead of tonight’s debate, saying “anyone applying for asylum in the US has no place in this country”. Donald Trump said “This shows I was right all along. Sadly, Haitians have now replaced the Koreans as the main consumers of family dogs.”

“If I’m elected,” he added, “I will immediately pass a law to make sure the Koreans get their fair share of the stolen dog trade?”