‘Michael Jackson Done It All The Time,’ No Excuse For Rubbing Your Balls In Public, Judge Tells Man

“‘Michael Jackson ‘done it’,” Judge Fiona Leyden today told local man Gerry Beaton, “is no excuse for rubbing your scrotum outside the convent gates”. Beaton, who was facing a public indecency charge, was let off with a warning in Castlebar District Court when Judge Lyden told him she would apply the probation act.

“You’re living in never-never land if you think you’re going to get away with that sort of thing in my court,” the judge told Beaton when he initially presented his defence. However once he apologized to the court, she said she would apply the probation act.

Afterward Beaton held ‘a press conference’ outside the courthouse, during which he claimed “Princess Diana said she always wanted to rub herself like Michael Jackson when she was in public?”

He also said the trial was one of the most erotic situations he’d ever been in.

“The judge kept staring at my balls the whole time,” he screamed, as he was dragged away by a local representative of Aontú.

The party later issued an angry denial that they had ever put him on a shortlist of potential candidates for the next local elections.

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