Hospital Food “Did Not Kill Mouse”

A hospital has angrily denied that a mouse found dead in its main kitchen, died after eating hospital food. At a press conference this morning, the general manager said “We have one dead mouse and absolutely no proof it ever ate any of our food, so let’s not turn this into a witch hunt!”

“What else is a dead mouse that was found in a hospital kitchen, likely to have eaten”, one reporter asked, “besides hospital food?” Corcoran replied that he wasn’t prepared to speculate or play “the blame game”. He ended the press conference when he was asked if the mouse might have died while waiting for a hospital bed, saying “If you’re not part of the solution then you’re part of the problem”.

“By that logic,” another reporter said, “if you’re part of the problem as the hospital is in this case, then you’re not part of the solution?” Later the hospital released the results of the dead pest’s autopsy, saying again that there was no evidence it had eaten hospital food but that “even if it had, it had almost certainly not followed the health guidelines for handling hospital food, so sadly, it’s entirely out of our hands.”