Alan Kelly Resignation: Public Shocked To Learn He Was Labour Leader

The public have reacted with shock to the news that Alan Kelly has been the Labour leader for the past two years.

“I thought he worked for Irish Water?” was the most common reaction to news of the abrasive idiot’s departure while “I thought it was still Brendan Howlin?” was the second most common.

Kelly if he is remembered at all, will be remembered primarily for his aggressive and unusual position on water charges: “People want to pay water charges”. An argument Irish water has never even attempted to make and one that, by and large, seemed so far adrift of public opinion at the time, it was widely considered a public suicide note.

Speculation about ‘the real reason’ for Kelly’s abrupt departure was rife today. But after less than two years in the job during which the party remained low in the polls, most people were sanguine when they heard the news.

“He couldn’t save Irish Water,” one said, “and he couldn’t save Labour either”.