All Man Wants To Know Is Why Faucci Released The Virus

“All I want to know is why Faucci released the virus in the first place,” roofing contractor Mike Hogan said on Sunday night, at his local pub. “Because unless he was getting money from the Clinton Foundation, it doesn’t add up.”

“Exactly,” termite exterminator Gary Conway nodded, “why else would he?” He raised an eyebrow at sales assistant Jake Taylor who shook his head in disgust.

The three had been watching the US Energy Department’s claim that the virus accidentally leaked from a lab in China on Fox, when a phone-in caller asked if America’s top health official Dr Anthony Faucci, had been “in any way” involved.

“Check the passenger lists,” Taylor demanded, “and see when he flew into Wuhan!” “Jesus, really?” Hogan sneered. “You do know the Clintons own over 5,000 private jets. So good luck with finding him on an airline passenger list!”

“I think you’ll find,” Conway agreed with a knowledgeable frown, “that Air Clinton doesn’t release passenger lists to Joe Public?”

“See this here is why America has to secede from the USA,” Hogan said, folding his arms truculently. “Otherwise we won’t be able to look our children in the eye when the transgender army comes for them!”