Amber Heard Found Guilty Of Witchcraft

The high court has ruled that a secretly taken surveillance photo ( shown above ) proves the actor Johnny Depp’s wife, Amber Heard, miniaturized the Hollywood star without his consent, in order to carry him around.

Mr Justice Nicol ruled the picture, taken in 2010, clearly shows Heard not only miniaturized Depp but also turned him into a double for her dog Pistol, to avoid arousing public suspicions.

Depp has frequently alleged his wife is a witch who has tried to kill him but now maintains her long term plan was to turn him into a canine porn actor.

“This would have kept the lovely Amber Hypocrite in luxury everyday for the rest of her evil life”, Depp said, “while by night, I would have been forced to become Satan’s four legged bride!”