America Would Prefer A Faster Microwave To A Mars Mission

A new survey shows that 63% of Americans would prefer a faster microwave to a Mars Mission and that while they can’t prove anything, Hillary Clinton may have had something to do with that schoolgirl who went missing last September.

More than two thirds said they would support sending a total outsider to Washington to clean out the barn because “that’s never been tried before”.

Three quarters said they would not support a mission to any other planet that some other country wasn’t already trying to reach because ‘What would be the point of that?‘

The survey was carried out last week on a representative sample of 1,000 people over the age of 11 who were at home during the day and able to say ‘Three grey geese on a green were grazing,’ without slurring their words.

According to the microwave company that carried out the poll, no prompting of respondents was allowed, beyond use of the stock question ‘What would you prefer a faster microwave to?”