Bannon Rages After Johnson Confirms God Is A Democrat

“And lo, there will be plagues and pestilence a-plenty,” Steve Bannon thundered yesterday, after Speaker Johnson declared the Biden presidency to be “God’s will”.

“Make no mistake,” he continued, “o ye of little faith, for heads will explode, frogs will rain down upon us and Marjorie Taylor Greene will ‘speak in tongues’.”

Johnson was asked at a press conference yesterday if Biden’s presidency was “God’s will” and replied, saying “It must have been God’s will”. Bannon raged against him later that day on his absurdly named podcast, The War Room.

“If it was God’s will, then it stands to reason he’s a Democrat,” Bannon fumed, “or he doesn’t realise Biden stole the election. Whichever it is, it proves he can’t be ‘all powerful and all knowing’. So there you have it folks, first a false president and now a false God! Thankfully there is one who can unite the country by taking back the White House and leading a revolution to replace him with the one true God, our Lord and Master, Donald J. Trump.”

“Guys like Johnson are gonna lead to mass conversions to Islam by young men,” he added bitterly, “if that’s what Christianity’s all about. The whole thing sounds like some ‘woke’ crap the Democrats made up!”

Donald Trump agreed, claiming, “First Biden stole the election, now he’s stolen God!”

A moment later, a caller to the show was cut off after pointing out that “Republicans are the true plague on America”.