Biden “Intensely Relaxed” About Contest Between Elderly Man And Elderly Madman

A relaxed President Biden chuckled during a White House press conference today, when asked about his polling figures. “I’m intensely relaxed about them,” he said. Asked why, he replied “because when the American public have to make a straight choice between an elderly man and an elderly madman, I’m confident they’ll do the right thing.”

In answer to a follow up question about his age from Fox News, he said “Look, we’ve both been president, we’re both running to be president and we’re both elderly men? But only one of us believes Barrack Obama is the current president, that I’m on the brink of starting WWII, that Hannibal Lecter is a real person, that Putin is a ‘genius’ and that Hammas have been ‘very clever’.”

After a pause, he winked and added, “Oh and only one of us has had the time to decide whether they’d rather be electrocuted or eaten by a shark?”

The president was referring to a slew of recent stranger-than-average statements by “a certain embattled real estate developer”, including an attack on Biden’s mental competency that claimed he was “leading the US into World War II”.

“But I’m more than happy to keep answering your questions, ” he finally told Fox News, “about my age and cognitive ability because only one of us thinks you need Voter ID to buy bread and it’s not me!“

As the Fox News reporter glared at him, Biden said, “Every single one of these beauties is from 2023 by the way but you knew that, didn’t you?”