Big Oil Wants You To Know It’s Hurting Too

Shell CEO Ben Von Burden warned privately last night of ‘strange and unimaginable consequences,’ if congress does not immediately bailout the oil industry.

“Shell alone spend $150 million a year lobbying you to block or delay climate change policy,” he told an invite-only gathering of congressmen at Pineapple and Pearls, one of Washington’s most expensive restaurants.

Von Burden, aka “Bunga-Bunga Burden,” spoke from the heart and without notes at what one insider described as ‘a private but deeply emotional dinner’ for sympathetic representatives.

He is said to have painted a “cold and dark” new picture of the world, post pandemic.

“Who’ll pay a congressional intern’s compensation bill? Who’ll buy up that Vegas bimbo’s story? And most importantly of all, who’ll destroy your wife’s character in the press, ahead of a nasty divorce hearing?”

“Just have a think about that,” he added, as he concluded his speech.