Billionaire Reluctantly Accepts He’ll Have To Go Into Space To Get The Respect He Deserves

Billionaire fizzy drinks manufacturer Kenneth Kendry is reported to have reluctantly conceded he’ll have to undertake a vanity space flight, before he can tell the public how precious the planet he spent his life wrecking in order to get rich, is.

“Nothing winds me up like the coverage other billionaires who’ve gone into space, get,” Kendry said. “Why should I have to listen to them explain the new perspective they’ve gained on our immensely fragile planet’? I could do that just as easily as any of them!”

When it was put to him that a vanity space flight is simply a colossal waste of money that could be spent helping fight climate change, instead of spewing more pollution into the atmosphere, he was philosophical.

“If that’s the price that has to be paid for me to be able to warn people how fragile our beautiful planet is,” he shrugged, “then I’m willing to pay it. Because deep down, I want to be able to say to all my fellow climate activists, ‘I see you and I hear you’.”