The Gear I Brought Back From ‘The Dam’ In My Ass

“Don’t think too hard about how much you can cram up your ass, is my advice,” Brian ‘Bong’ O’Halloran cautioned last night. “In fact, don’t think about it at all?”

“No more than a proctologist’s finger full!” next door neighbour Declan Bohane quipped, without taking his eyes off the dwindling ‘one skin-er’ the University Hospital Kerry radiologist was waving about like it was a match he was trying to put out.

“I mean obviously you have to think about it,” Bong added, ignoring the interruption “but it’s best not to ask too many questions of yourself when you’re trying to calculate how much of anything you can place in the confines of your rectum?”

The UHK specialist then leaned forward to pour another glass of Pouilly-Fuissé for Bohane in the study of his home, before continuing.

“I know I didn’t? Because there’s nothing goes better with this,” he said holding up the joint, before pointing it at his glass, “than that”.

O’Halloran advised triple clingfilm-wrapping ‘the product,’ before applying ‘a little lube’ of some kind. “It’s up to yourself obviously but whether you do or you don’t, it’s not going to feel like much of a victory?”

The radiologist  finally surrendered the last two drags, warning  Bohane as he did, that he didn’t want a late night, “on account of all this media bullshit about misdiagnosed cancer scans”.