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Nobody Knows More About Contempt Than I Do, Enoch Burke Tells Court

Nobody Knows More About Contempt Than I Do, Enoch Burke Tells Court

13/01/2023

Or involuntary celibacy...

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Biden: “The Polls Are Always Right, Just Ask Obama And Hillary?”
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Trump Says He Will Settle Earth’s UFO Problem ‘Big Time’
Watch Those Immigrants Says Convicted American Rapist
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George Santos Angrily Denies He Ever Owned A Book
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Bright Side Of The Road Closed Until Further Notice
America Agrees To Pay Reparations For Emily In Paris
Colossal Earthquake Obviously God’s Punishment For Some Minor Rule Breach
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Putin Says Last Oligarch’s Death “Really Was Accidental”
Unelected Millionaire To Tell Poor They’re Not Doing Poverty Right
Shop Assistant Too Wasted For Small Talk
Driverless Police Car, Chases Driverless Car
Bishop Sick Of All This Turn The Other Cheek Crap
Rees-Mogg Urges Leadership Contenders To “Keep It Creepy”
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Queen’s Death: Were The Jews Responsible?
Police Confirm No Suspects In Death Of Angela Lansbury
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Mayo To Be Renamed ‘Rooney Country’
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Woman Who Thought She Was Dating A Priest, Learns He Was Just A Guy Wearing His Dead Uncle’s Clothes
I Know Just How Ukrainians Must Feel Because I Had A Really Bad Day At Work
Man Found Masturbating In Aldi, “Very Comfortable With His Sexuality”
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WWII Bomber On Moon Stolen By China
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Annoying Exchange Student Clicks His Fingers To Every Song On The Radio
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The Freddie Starr I knew Was A Monster
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European Research Group Admits It’s Never Done Any European Research
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Zuckerberg: “It Was Like That When I Got Here”.
Student Calls Every Black Guy He Meets ‘Man’
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Fabric Of Rural Ireland To Be Turned Into Irish Dancing Costumes
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Dog Shunned By Partner For Trying To Do It ‘Human Style’
America Remembers Last White Guy Who Could Cancel A Riot
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I Hope I Die Before Celine Dion Does
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Woman’s Boss Has ‘A Right Flea Up His Hole’ This Morning
No Matter How Much Weight Susan Boyle Loses, She’s Never Going To “Look Like A Model”
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Scientists Prove That If A Tree Falls In Trinity, It Makes Noise At Cabinet Table
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Shooting Fish In A Barrel Takes America By Storm
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Papal Anus Getting Millions Of Hits
Female Genital Mutilation In Ballinasloe
No Animals Harmed During Making Of Movie But Three Barbecued Shortly Afterwards
Man Admits That When He Said There Was Good News And Bad News, There Was Only Bad News
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Film Critic Unmoved By Pre-Flight Safety Video
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Queen To Get Completely Wankered Tonight
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Sincerity Rears Its Ugly Head
Town Slightly Nearer To Dublin Looks Down On Town Slightly Farther From Dublin
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No Accountant Was Harmed In The Making Of This Movie
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Man Usually Gets His Wife’s Way In The End
My Nine Year Old Son Is Depressed In His Bedroom. Should I Let Him Out?
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Man Eating Beans From Tin, “Taking Back Control”
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Halfway Through Famine Report, Newsreader Expresses Alarm Over Dry Skin
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Queen Eithne Mooney To Meet Doctor Decky Sheehy After School, In Lidl Carpark Dance Off
He Told Them He Was Finished But Then They Asked Him To Do ‘One Last Job’
Camping In Barna Woods Not The ‘Rainforest Holiday’ Woman Was Promised
Mansplaining Continues, Despite Rising Panic In Woman’s Eyes
Healy-Raes Launch ‘No Drink Left Behind’ Initiative
Irish Emigrant Wonders If He Might Be Needed Back Home Anytime Soon
Kevin The Carrot Breaks His Silence
Medical Card Will No Longer Cover ‘Pain Of The Blues’
Student Joins Poetry Society After ‘Falling In With The Wrong Crowd’
Keith Richards Never Had To Throw A Flat Screen TV Out Of His Hotel Window
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Bored Teen Looking For Twitter Lynch Mob To Join
People “Way Too Smart To Believe The BBC”, Way Too Stupid To Find It
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Family ‘Thrilled’ Daughter Has Lost Her Irish Accent
Johnson Says He Thought Party Was Work Because He Doesn’t Know What Work Looks Like
Man Feared For His Life When UFO Lights Dragged His Car Towards Dogging Spot
Doctors Hoping To Put A Human Heart Into Boris Johnson
DUP Want UK To Withdraw From The Enlightenment
Coveney Rock-Hard After Meeting Minor Royal
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Now Look What You Made Me Do, Man Screams At Wife
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Patriarchy Objects To Stereotyping By Women Who Should Be At Home Rearing Their Children
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Meat Loaf Told ‘Bat Out Of Hell’ Not Appropriate As Charity Single For Covid Research
Is It Wrong To Say Miss Bum Bum Has ‘One Hell Of An Ass’?
Tell Me Again The Difference Between Homiesexual, Homosexual and Metrosexual, Mother Asks Teenage Son
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Committee Set Up To Establish Which Part Of Ireland Kanye West’s Ancestors Come From. Just In Case, Like?
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Amber Heard Found Guilty Of Witchcraft
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Coronavirus “God’s Punishment” For Letting Gay Couple On DWTS
Irish Times Amazed By Irishman Living Abroad
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Senator Noone To Raise Awareness That “You Can’t Say Anything”
What To Do If You Feel Raped After Following A Woman Onto The Upper Deck Of A Bus To Watch Her Breastfeed
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Man Who Sees Dead People Everywhere Reminded He Works In A Morgue
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New Brexit Deodorant Removes The Stench Of Racism
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Man Planning Selfless Act Surprised By How Much Self He Actually Has
I Like To Think Of Us As One Big, Happy Family, Says CEO Who’s About To Fire Everyone.
Black Lives Matter Ennis Threaten To Make Town ‘Ungovernable’ If America Does Not Change
Parish History Omits Time Fr Mike Blew The Bingo Fund At The Galway Races
Buy A ‘Vagina Candle,’ Woman Tells Ex, Because That’s As Near As You’ll Get
“Balcony Bingo? Sure It Writes Itself!” Cackles Roddy Doyle
‘Michael Jackson Did It All The Time,’ No Excuse For Rubbing Your Balls In Public, Judge Tells Castlebar Man
Fair City Extra Recalls Time Gaybo Completely Ignored Him In A Lift
Coronavirus “God’s Punishment” For Letting Gay Couple On DWTS
Without The Alcohol That Prevented Him Realizing All His Ambitions, Man Discovers He No Longer Has Any Ambitions
Ritual Of Bridesmaid Claiming She’s Breaking With Tradition By Making A Speech, Already Underway
Man Who Didn’t Suffer Fools Gladly, Was ‘Just Another Dick’
Kid Who Had To Wait A Year For A Wheelchair, Would Probably Have Grown Out Of It By Now Anyway
Millionth Woman Seeking Validation Asks Mumsnet ‘Am I Being Unreasonable?’
New Marine Can’t Wait To Torch A Village For America
Man Praying His Wife Won’t Start Speaking ‘On Behalf Of All Women’
What To Do When A Himalayan Salt Lamp Doesn’t Cure Your Depression
Dog Tries To Hump Woman More Than Husband Does
Win A Magical Weekend For Two At The Red Cow Inn
Postman Still Calling It The Gurmet Tart Co
Man Thinking Of Buying Expensive Notebook In Case It Ever Turns Out He’s A Writer
Fruit Sellers Demand End To High Speed Car Chases
Endless Glamour Of Airline Travel Finally Getting To Ryanair Cabin Crew
Mother Keeps Asking To See ‘Pearl Necklace’ Daughter Got For Valentine’s Day
Anything Man Knows About Women He Learned The Hard Way
Man Thinking Of Giving Up Alcohol For November Soon
Couple Planning Family Newsletter From Dog’s Point Of View
Man Breaks Long Silence To Reveal He’s Totally Off His Tits
Wedding Planner Referring To Guests As ‘Civilians’
Woman Singing ‘Private Dancer’ Confident She’d Make An Excellent Prostitute
We Built This City On Rock’n’roll Defence Ruled Inadmissible In Court
Man Singing In Shower Pretty Sure He’s Multitasking
Woman Just Putting That Ballymaloe Sauce On Everything Now
Actress Whose Mother Is Her Best Friend, Tells All
Halfway Through Famine Report, Newsreader Expresses Alarm Over Dry Skin
Fucking Your Kids Up, Still No 1 Parenting Mistake
Man Whose Wife Is His Best Friend, “Definitely Having An Affair”
Lying, Racist, Morally Bankrupt MP, Surprise Favourite To Lead Tories
Man Singing In Shower Pretty Sure He’s Multitasking
Attendant Can’t Wait For Gallery To Close, To Begin Licking Exhibits
Lifelong Marxist Struggling To Cope With Mainstream Approval
Lying, Racist, Morally Bankrupt MP, Surprise Favourite To Lead Tories
Man’s Penis Feeling More Like A Swinger Than A Soulmate Tonight
Taxi Driver Unsure Exactly Which Mansion Asylum Seeker Lives In
Spike In Panic Attacks, Following €65m Cannabis Seizure
Study Finds Most Americans Killed By ‘Acts Of God,’ Live In Bible Belt States
Don’t Make Same Mistakes I Made, Says Alcoholic Who Can’t Recall The Mistakes He Made
Man Just Following His Pecker Around
Wife Cancelled Date Night Even Though Husband Had Already Brushed Teeth
Dog Dragging Its Balls Along Carpet ‘Understands Every Word Woman Says’
Wife Says All Husband Does Is ‘Make Carbon Dioxide’
Asian Couple Name Son “CEO Amir Patel” To Give Him ‘Headstart In Business’
Eamon ‘I, Robot’ Ryan
‘Calm Down Love,’ Journalist Told After Asking ‘Hello, Is That The Garda Press Office?’
Incredible New Anti-Snoring Device Takes Ireland By Storm
Man Singing “Leave A Light On For Me” To Warn Wife He’ll Be Legless When He Gets In
Turns Out Mass Death Is Worse For Economy Than Mass Unemployment
Mayor’s Job “One Step Up From Being Town’s Most Colourful Drunk”
New Doctor First Black Man To See Woman’s Tits
Indian Waiter Faints After Customer Orders Dessert
Man Relieved He Has ‘Boner Fider’ Boner
Her Majesty Will Be Offended If I Don’t Get A Window Seat, Donaldson Tells Stewardess
Vaccinated Woman Claims Zombies Just Run Past Her Now
The Ballad Of Brave Sir Jeffrey
Support For A Border Poll To Be Made A Hate Crime
Johnny Skunk And Mary Gargle’s Romance ‘Is Growing All The Time’
True Value Of The Sun Was Always Zero
‘I blame The Parents,’ Says Alcoholic Woken By Crying Baby
Re-enactment Society Just Cover For Bondage Club
Castlebar Man Not Sold “A Gay Computer”
Jagger Denies ‘Satisfaction’ To Be Used In Viagra Commercial
NUIG ‘Klingon’ Row Splits Board
Man ‘Totally Guarantees’ There Will Be No Gratuitous Nudity In His Screenplay

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