Celebrity Chefs Race To Be First To Cook New Species Of Monkey

Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay claims he has won ‘the bidding war’ to be the first to cook one of the new species of monkey discovered in central Myanmar that is on the brink of extinction.

“There are only 200 to 250 of the the plant eating Popa Langur monkeys left,” Ramsay said, “so it is a very great honour indeed for this one to be the first of its kind to be cooked by me”.

“Natives say the meat on this monkey’s ass tastes better than the meat on any other type of monkey’s ass for hundreds of miles,” Ramsay revealed, “and I’ve always been partial to a nice piece of ass.”

He also confirmed he’s labelled it the ‘Blackface’ monkey, on account of the chalky rings around its eyes which lend it an odd resemblance to the Black & White Minstrels. Accused of racial insensitivity for using this name, he replied, “But I can’t be accused of racism because they weren’t actually black, they were only pretending to be. Can’t they understand that?”