Democrats To Regroup Just As Soon As They’ve Finished Flaying Themselves

Democratic sources say the party will regroup, just as soon as it has flayed the skin off itself, however damn long that takes.

On election night, the moment it became clear Donald Trump might win, the circular firing squad sprang into action and an ugly dogfight began.

In time-honoured tradition, first out of the traps were party senators and members of congress, followed swiftly by Democratic managers, strategists and pollsters, all filing opinion pieces about who was ‘really’ to blame. Until eventually, there wasn’t a taxi-driver, barkeep or student blog that hadn’t seen it all coming.

The sheer weight of informed opinion grew so quickly that it turned into a feeding frenzy that blamed, in no particular order, the Vice–President, the President, the Democratic party, its campaign officials and even the volunteers on the ground.

Eventually, the smoke from the battlefield had grown so great, the combatants could no longer see who they were firing at and the shooting stopped. And the only sounds that could be heard were those crying ‘I was right’, as they engaged in hand-to-hand combat with those shouting, ‘I knew this would happen’. Reports coming in say no quarter was asked or given.

Meanshile, speaking on condition of anonymity, a major political analyst has made the following prediction.

“Eventually, even silence itself will be seen as taking a position, so you may as well carry out a hatchet job on someone now, while you still have the element of surprise?”