“Do I Seem Like Someone Who Would Keep Secret Documents In A Bathroom?” Trump Asks Rally

“Does that sound like something I would do?” Donald Trump asked a screaming crowd of foaming conspiracy theorists at a rally in Georgia. “Because I don’t think it does. It’s like that time they said I was staring at an eclipse? I wasn’t staring, I was pointing it out to the liberal media.”

As usual, the MAGA crowd cheered Trump’s every statement. “Then there was the time I tried to buy Greenland? Everyone said I was crazy but the Greenlandians were all for that deal. Right up until the US government secretly blocked it?”

“And the time when I was in France to honour our wonderful dead soldiers some of whom are my best friends? And the fake media said I didn’t bother going to the ceremony because it was raining. But they never mentioned the flood warnings. Flood warnings like you’ve never seen. They said everything was unsafe! Roads, bridges, railway stations, like you wouldn’t even believe.”

“So I ask you. Do I seem like someone who would keep boxes of nuclear weapons secrets between the toilet and the shower, and then just lie about it? Does that sound like something I would do?”