Eric Trump Shoots Hole In Wrong Ear in Tribute To His Father

“After all he’s done for America, it was the least I could do for him,” Eric Trump said today, confirming rumours he had shot a hole in his left ear in a tribute to his father. He also denied he’d been drunk at the time and aiming at the wrong ear because he was looking into the bathroom mirror.

“I urge others to follow my example,” he told reporters outside the convention centre, “so that we can expose the hard-left conspiracy to murder my father and prevent my family from returning to power.”

Ignoring cries of “duck” and “ET call home” from democratic party supporters protesting against the convention, he confirmed he hadn’t spoken to his father since he shot himself.

“But I want to reassure him and everyone else that my bandage will always be smaller than the one he’ll wear everyday between now and November 5th?”

Trump’s office later said doctors have confirmed his bandage may have to get bigger, closer to the election.