“Experts Will Be Asking Us To Believe We’re Descended From Monkeys Next” Warns Gove

Brexit’s Michael Gove, today outlined some of the reasons why the British public are still suspicious of ‘so-called experts’.

“They tell us things like, ‘You can’t catch it off a toilet seat’ or ‘Doing it standing up won’t prevent a pregnancy’ and then can’t understand why we don’t trust them? They’ll be asking us to believe we’re descended from monkeys next!

Looking more than ever like a man whose name is not on the sex offenders list purely because of a legal technicality, Gove reminded Brussels that “experts tried to prevent Henry VIII from beheading two of his wives”.

“Just like foreigners,” he spat, “they do not understand our ways and that is why they shall never win!”