Foster Says Existence Of Logic Came As ‘Big Shock’ To DUP

Speaking to reporters last night, party leader Arlene Foster accused Dublin of withholding details of ‘a way of thinking that is totally alien to unionists’.

But before handing over to what drooling party activists, privately describe as, the ‘scowling, wife beater chic’ of deputy leader Nigel Dodds, Foster once again reminded everyone that her father hadn’t been killed by the IRA.

Dodds fought bravely to overcome the throat-choking, unionist bile that hampers his every effort to speak coherently in public, before abruptly ending the press conference along with Gregory Campbell’s hopes of eclipsing his performance by speaking after him.