Man Caught Trying To Burn Down National Art Gallery, “Afraid It Might Be Used To House Immigrants”

A court was today shown CCTV footage of a man pouring paraffin on the doors and windows of the National Art gallery in Dublin which houses an extensive collection of European and Irish masterpieces.

Noel Grealish, who was caught in the act as he tried to set a fire, said “I only done it ‘cos I was afraid the government might use it to house immigrants, like?”

Grealish (34), added that “Somebody has to stand up for Irish women?”

“What on earth do you mean,” Judge Hugh B. Lawless asked.

“I got nothing against foreigners, your honour, only immigrants? There’s a lad on Whatsapp who works for the government, right? And he says they’re plannin’ ta fill the gallery with rapists an’ peediaphiles.”

After the trial had been adjourned, a Fianna Fail councillor struggled to explain his claim that Dublin was “totally unsuitable for housing immigrants”.

Eventually he suggested, “That’s for the government to say?”

After being reminded his party was actually in government, he replied “You know yourself the way it is, like?”