Man Who Crashed Into Police Station Is The Real Victim

Darius Beausang blamed his collision with the railings around his local police station at 3am last night, on “Ireland’s unhealthy relationship with alcohol”. Still sitting in the driving seat of his car, he warned officers, “Something has to change? We can’t go on like this…”

“There’s no point in playing the blame game either,” he advised, just before his head slumped and he began to snore gently.

“But to be fair,” he protested as he was frog marched inside, “we need to ask who the real victim is here?” Unable to explain why he’d hit the railings, Beausang eventually gave a low moan and became violently ill all over the front desk.

Asked afterwards if he had anything to say for himself, he mumbled “rent is dead money”.