Woman Looking At Methane Capture System For Husband

Lourda McInerny confirmed last night that she was ‘seriously looking at’ a methane capture system for her husband, Castlebar man Bernard ‘Burnurd’ Brennan.

McInerny revealed that without her knowledge, he had added a portion of Tarka Dhal – the lentil, garlic, onion and spices dish – to their Indian takeaway order with results that had, predictably enough, delighted Mr Brennan.

The fact that his prolonged outbursts of wind had made their dog, Red Hurley, howl along in a duet with his dhal-induced flatulence, had brought tears to his eyes.

“Whereas your typical Guinness fart tends more towards a boastful, trumpet-like affair, dhal modulates the sound in the direction of a more high pitched, drawn out note, sometimes referred to as the ‘squealy-piglet fart’?”

“I prefer call it the Bollywood fart myself,” he explained, “because although the wailing continually rises and falls, it never seems to end”.

Burnurd said that “in hindsight”, a phrase that briefly, once more reduced him to guffaws, he “probably shouldn’t have had the dhal on top of ‘a feed a pints’?”

Meanwhile, as she concluded her thirty minute online methane search, Lourda said she was encouraged by what she had learned.

“Basically, if I can hook this pillock’s ass up to the grid,” she said, “we’ll be minted!”