McSharry No Longer Speaking To Himself

A furious Marc McSharry said tonight he was no longer speaking to himself, after his most recent outburst. “I at least expected McSharry to give me, of all people, a fair hearing,” he complained. “But he’s left me no option. He’s sabotaged my bid to rejoin the party, purely for publicity purposes. It’s worth more to him to make headlines than it is to sort out my list of complaints.”

“I’ve know had my differences – robust ones, yes – over the years with everybody else and they know where I stand, and the party knows but apparently McSharry doesn’t. And that’s why I’m no longer speaking to him.”

Asked by a reporter to ‘run that by me again chief?’, McSharry called him a ‘buck lepper’ and stormed off in a rage. At time of going to press, four separate Fianna Fail deputies were being treated for repetitive strain injury of the wrist, caused by excessive handwringing over the row. Two more are said to have damaged the sides of their mouths, trying to take both sides at once in the dispute. All are expected to make a full recovery in time for RTE Radio One’s flagship news & current affairs programme, Morning Ireland.

Meanwhile, political analysts say the independent TD for Sligo-Leitrim is giving FF’s Barry Cowen ‘a run for his money’ at being the most pointlessly aggressive deputy in Leinster House.