Trump Answers The One Question Nobody Ever Asked

“I would rather be electrocuted than killed by a shark,” Donald Trump announced at a rally Sunday, in a rare bout of candour and clarity . A statement that capped an even wilder-than-usual week of utterances from The Far Side.

It says a great deal about the former commander-in-chief, observers noted, that he has normalized reaction to his rambling and often incoherent speech to the degree that journalists routinely trim its more tinfoil hat elements to render it comprehensible.

Nonetheless there’s only a certain amount that can be done with a statement like “I would rather be electrocuted than killed by a shark”, suggesting as it does, that the speaker is – if not actually high – at least midway through a 24 hour beer-pong marathon.

The cryptic comment came at the end of an extravagant run of rambling remarks that meant it sat quite comfortably with the bizarre claim that, “Farmers and builders who have never cried before have approached me crying to thank me for what I’ve done.”

Then there was the incomprehensibly whacky, “Drivers of electric cars become ‘schizophrenic’ because the charge only lasts 10 minutes”. An eccentric falsehood that was soon paired with the surreally contradictory “Electric cars are useless because they can only go 30 minutes before they have to be recharged.”

The White House later issued a list of ‘Would You Rather‘ questions Trump should answer next, headlined, “Would you rather talk like Yoda or breathe like Darth Vader for the rest of your life?”