People With Bigger Noses Demand A Bigger Mask

Magnum Nesum, the organisation which advocates for those with a larger than average proboscis, staged a mask ‘protest’ outside Leinster House today.

The group are demanding a ‘Plus Size’ mask for those whose physiognomy means they “can’t help letting their mask slip”.

They also demanded a lingerie mask for the plus size woman who “demands style and fit but rejects compromise”.

Meanwhile, the Nose About splinter group used the occasion to call for full nasal equality.

Nose About said positions of authority within Magnum Nesum were mostly occupied by those with a ‘Greek’ or straight nasal profile while the remainder were occupied by those with a ‘Roman’ or slightly curved nose.

A spokeswoman for Nose About said “Basically, the Greeks and the Romans are looking down their noses at everyone else”.

“Those of us with a sharply protruding nose – whether bulbous or turned up – are discriminated against throughout society, so it’s particularly heart breaking when it comes from ‘our own kind’.”