President Warns We’ll Soon Be Drinking Our Own Urine

President Michael D. Higgins has warned that climate change “inevitably means we’ll be drinking our own piss before very long”. He added “I’ve has already made a start and found out I’m quite a salty bastard?” But it was his final remark that “of course we’ll have to stop eating meat because it’s a major contributor to global warning” that ignited a major controversy.

Mr Higgins made his speech at the annual muckfest that is officially called ‘The Ploughing Championships’ but which he referred to as “Disneyland for rednecks”. The most popular figure in Irish politics is no stranger to controversy or plain speaking and one who already this month caused a storm when he described the United Nations as “about as united as Ireland is”.

A spokesman said the government feels it has been forced to swallow far too much of the president’s urine since he was inaugurated.