Putin Threatens To Go Scuba Diving Again To Restore Russian Army’s Reputation

A spokesman for Vladimir Putin warned today that he might have to go scuba diving again, after the Russian army was forced to withdraw from Kershon. President Putin, he said, would do anything – ride a horse barechested or pose in a Judo suit – if that’s what it takes to restore Russia’s pride.

“I would advise Zelensky to be very careful,” he said, “because everyone remembers what happened the last time he went scuba diving near Ukraine. He found two ancient Greek urns within minutes of diving into the shallow waters off the Taman peninsula? No other leader can do this,” he told a largely sceptical audience of reporters. “Since then, everyone calls him Indiana Jones?” he suggested, hopefully.

President Zelensky later issued a statement saying, “We can arrange for him to dive to a sunken Russian warship, anytime he likes”.