Red Is Definitely The Right Colour For Any Carpet Being Rolled Out To Welcome Mohammed bin Slaughter

Britain’s diplomatic service has congratulated itself on getting the colour of the carpet to be rolled out for the Saudi King’s visit next Autumn, “just right!” Toasts of ‘To Mohammed bin Slaughter’ were heard late into the night, at The Civil Service Club in Scotland Yard, as staff congratulated themselves on what was likely to be ‘the only victory for good taste on offer in this whole sorry spectacle”.

The decision followed a gruelling week of argument and debate over which colour carpet would best reflect the visit’s significance. Green (for envy) was felt by many to be “the most appropriate for the traditional begging ceremony extended to any Saudi Monster, sorry Monarch!” Green (for revulsion) was also the choice of the small no who admitted to being “completely sickened by the invitation”.

Brown (for ass kissing) was the choice of the second largest faction, “as this colour most accurately reflects the true purpose of the invitation,” while Yellow (for cowardice) was the choice of those who thought “the invitation signals lily-livered cowardice”.

A ‘yellow carpet’ supporter said “It’s always good when a visit coincides with a significant anniversary? And this one looks set to coincide with the five-year anniversary of Jamal Khashoggi’s sickening dismemberment at the hands of Saudi agents in Turkey…while still alive?”

A ‘brown carpet’ supporter noted that Saudi Arabia executed 196 people in 2022, the highest number Amnesty has recorded in the country in the last 30 years. But a ‘Yellow carpet’ supporter pointed out the largest known, single mass-execution in Saudi’s history happened on 12 March last year when 81 men were executed.

And that was why, all the other colour supporters eventually agreed, “Red won the argument hands down!”