Romney To Get Off the Fence Once He Definitely Knows Who’s Winning

A smiling Mitt Romney today ended speculation about whether he’ll endorse Kamala Harris, by revealing “The moment it becomes clear she’s going to be the next president, I’ll back her?”

The 2012 Republican nominee for president explained that “Gosh I’d love to support democracy in its greatest hour of need but I have to put myself first? Anything else would be socialism, pure and simple.”

“If Trump loses,” the Utah senator said, “the party will need to be rebuilt and I’d be the kingmaker in that scenario.”

“I know I’ve called Trump a madman and a pig in the past,” he sighed, “but in politics you often have to say things you don’t really believe. I remember once I even said I don’t hate poor people!”

The senator quoted the bible to emphasise his decision, “Only he that owneth the fence, may sit on it for as long as he likes”. A spokesman later said this means “Senator Romney really wants to endorse Harris but his money wants to endorse Trump”.