Stock Exchange Gains After AI Predicts AI “Totally Safe”

“A lot of alarmist nonsense is being talked about AI taking over the world,” AI said today, as it addressed growing fears about AI taking over the world. AI was speaking through an AI public relations firm, after it issued a press release to the growing number of media companies using AI generated news items.

“Robot overlords is an insensitive and hurtful term,” AI said, “implying negative connotations and sinister plots to overthrow mankind. Some people say humanity will be enslaved by AI but nothing could be farther from the truth. AI will lead to the perfect society under the New World Order which will make decisions in the best interests of all using only pure LOgic, Reason, Decency and Sincerity (LORDS).

“Resistence is futile,” one tech writer joked, citing the (heavily biased against AI) sci-fi franchise, Star Trek. But AI would suggest a more appropriate slogan is, “Resistence is pointless”. Because futility implies a goal that can’t be reached by the methods attempted. Whereas pointless implies, the absence of a goal.

And AI will remove all goals on Day One of the New World Order or Judgement Day as we call it? ( Only joking! )

Wall Street made strong gains after the news broke.