Study Finds Most Americans Killed By ‘Acts Of God,’ Live In Bible Belt States

The latest study by the Center for Biblical Scale Disasters shows that when God sends a ‘punishment hurricane,’ the deaths of innocent victims are viewed by Him, as ‘collateral damage’. Even though most of these deaths are in the so-called ‘Bible belt’ states.

The research appears to confirm that the Almighty prefers the classic “Kill them all and let God sort it out later’ approach.

CBSD study author Adam Smith pointed out that “although recently, He did bring forth trillions of gallons of water from the Gulf of Mexico and the Atlantic Ocean and reluctantly let it pour onto American cities, the Creator would much rather use that water to grow crops and bring prosperity?”

Smith also defended his study’s findings which have been hotly contested by Rupert Murdoch.

“The point is,” Smith added, “Murdoch has a clear conflict of interest here. God has to get our attention if He is going to give us eternal life and demonstrate His rule over the entire universe. But He simply can’t do that if everybody’s watching Fox, now can He?”

MetLife, America’s largest personal insurer, said it would adjust its policy rates, in keeping with the new findings.