Trump Leads Harris 6 – 3 in Latest Poll of Supreme Court Judges

A new poll finds Donald Trump has a clear advantage with the one group of voters likely to decide the next election: the nine justices of the Supreme Court.

The former president confirmed he’d carried out the telephone poll – which has an error margin of zero – over the weekend. “I called each of my six judges and they all said they’ll back any challenge I wanna make to the result?”

“I don’t know them personally,” he lied, “but they’re a very nice bunch of people. And even they say democracy has reached its limits.”

The poll’s footnotes reveal five of the six conservative justices were contacted between 7pm and 8.15pm on Friday evening. However it was Sunday morning before billionaire donor Harlan Crow could be located and a call patched through to his yacht, in the Caribbean.

“Ginny took the call and immediately guaranteed me Clarence’s support, provided I gave her the ok to start organising my inauguration?”