Trump Won’t Meet Vance In Any Room That Has A Sofa In It

Notorious germophobe Donald Trump only learned about J.D. Vance’s predilection for ‘getting sticky with the sofa’, after he’d already announced him at the RNC. As a result, he will not meet with him in any room that has a couch in it.

The move prompted Vance to make a televised statement, during which he looked directly into the cameras and said, “I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I’m gonna say this again. I did not…have…sexual relations with that couch”.

Meanwhile, polling has revealed Vance is a “historically unpopular” pick as a vice-presidential candidate. He has a -5 point favorability rating nationally, except for in his home region of Illinois where it drops to -16.

His ratings are so low, his name has been linked to that of former Trump communications director Anthony Scaramucci who only lasted 10 days.

Speaking off the record, a spokesman for the Trump campaign said “No one expects him to last more than two, maybe three Scaramuccis?”