Residents’ Association Watching You, Asshole!

The Westbrook Residents’ Association – whose motto is “We’re watching you, asshole!” – has issued a press release declaring its annual clean-up ‘another great success’. The exclusive dominated the front page of the association’s monthly newsletter, pushing its upcoming annual dinner into second place.

“A disturbing total of 6 empty wine bottes were recovered across the entire estate,” it warned, “that under different circumstances, anti-social elements could have used to make petrol bombs”.

Underneath that story, the newsletter reported that 90% of the 10 people who bothered to reply to their survey, again chose the local hotel as ‘best location’ for the association’s annual dinner.

A late breaking story was flagged across the bottom of the first page of the newsletter. The headline, which said ‘Exclusive – Simon & Anne Confirmed To Take Over Social Diary From Brian & Nora’, directed readers to the back page.

“Speaking exclusively to the newsletter,” the story said, “Simon and Anne have reluctantly confirmed claims made in last month’s edition by Brian and Nora that they’ve agreed to take the column over.

The story finished with an inside joke it claimed “only true Westbrookians” would get. “Our headline really should have said,” the paper noted, “SimAnn Confirmed To Take Over Social Diary From BriNor“. Lols!!