Trump Extends Presidential Immunity Claim To All GOP Officials, Living Or Dead

“By the power invested in me by the Constitution and by Trump University,” Donal Trump said yesterday, “a wonderful, wonderful university. That they just had to destroy? I hereby extend total immunity to every republican official who ever served this great country of ours. A country that I, for one. Would love to see crash and burn? Before I win back power in November.”

The former president was speaking on the courtroom steps after closing defence arguments in his fraud trial.

“I will make you a promise. On my first day in office. I will take revenge against a certain New York attorney general. Who isn’t even a five by the way?, So sad! And one I could have removed at any time. Because I have power of attorney? A power I would never use because I have too much respect for the law?”

“On that day I will prove what a liar she is. And believe me, I know a liar when I see one?”

The former president also used his speech to announce a new immigration initiative.

“I’ll be a dictator on day one. But I’ll be a war leader on day two? And I will not hesitate to send US troops to the Canadian border. Where Muslims are queueing up to laugh at us every day. As they pour through?”

Trump added “I’m willing to go to jail if that’s what it takes for our country to become a democracy again – specially if I’m already in there?”

President Joe Biden later said “I hereby extend my deepest sympathy to anyone who had the misfortune to catch Skippy grandstanding outside the court yesterday but you know what you have to do!”

A White House spokesman agreed that this could either mean “Vote Biden” or ‘Turn off Fox News’ but realistically, probably meant both.