Trump Will “Proudly Sleep Through” Barron’s Graduation

Donald Trump has confirmed he will sleep through his son’s graduation today from the private Oxbridge Academy in West Palm Beach, Florida.  Oxbridge, he added, is a prestigious ‘bone spur’ school.

“I have a fundraiser in Minnesota later? Those things are absolute murder,” he explained, “so I’ll need to be fresh for that.”

He is to headline the state GOP’s annual Lincoln Reagan dinner, which coincides with the party’s state convention

“I’m so proud of Barron,” he said, “I’ll probably be flat out for the entire thing!”