Alito Offers To Hang Wife Upside Down As Restitution For Flag Display

“I had no involvement whatsoever in the flying of the flag,” Supreme Court Justice Alito said this morning, “however I am fully prepared to hang Marth-Ann upside down from the same flagpole, as a gesture of my sincerity”.

Speaking outside his Virginia home, Alito also said “My wife is an entirely innocent bystander in what is merely the latest White House plot to draw me into a political row”.

“America is at a crossroads,” he warned the press, “if we don’t win in November, there’ll be a complete bloodbath!”

Alito also insisted he had “no involvement whatsoever” in the purchase of the Stop the Steal coffee mug he was holding.

“I can’t get involved,” he condescended, in between sips, “the court has to remain above politics?”