After Winning His Own Club’s Golf Tournament, Trump Thinking Of Setting Up A Lottery

After winning two trophies at his own Florida golf club, Donald Trump has announced he is closing in on Kim Jong-il’s course record of scoring a birdie or better on every hole, with five holes-in-one. Like the North Korean dictator, Trump claimed he couldn’t cheat – “even if I wanted to, and I don’t” – as his bodyguards are always watching.

However the former president has regularly been accused of cheating in the past, of lying about the number of club championships he’s won, and of continually having his ball moved into better positions by caddies and even Secret Service agents.

Boxer Oscar De La Hoya called him an ‘unbelievable cheat’ while rock Star Alice Cooper said he was ‘the worst celebrity golf cheat’.

Trump also said that given how good his luck has been on the golf course lately, he’s decided to set up a lottery. “I’d be crazy not to,” he mused, “imagine if I won first and second prizes?”

Kim Jong-il is reputed to have achieved his course record at Pyongyang golf course in North Korea. Officials later claimed a ‘mistake’ in score keeping meant that only five of the 11 holes-in-one he actually achieved, had been recorded.

“It doesn’t matter,” Trump said when informed. “My course is much tougher and I’m improving every day.“

The former president also said “I can reveal the name of my new lottery will be Trumpballs and for an all-in price of $50, every single ticket holder is guaranteed a chance to win the top prize.”

He later confirmed the draw would be supervised by the same officials who declared him the winner of both the Club Championship Trophy and Senior Club Championship Trophy at the Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach.