If Necessary I Will Raise My Fist Again, Hawley Warns

The well known sprinter and political contortionist Senator Joshua “Josh” Hawley, has warned that if all charges against Donald Trump are not immediately dismissed, “I will raise my fist again!”

The fist in question was last seen on Jan 6th, when Hawley used it to give a fascist salute to the mob attacking Capitol Hill. A nanosecond later, he set a new record for the 40 Metre Sprint, as he fled in terror from the attackers he’d just been trying to ingratiate himself with. Video footage shows Hawley kept running, even after he’d entered the Capitol buildings.

Although by reputation, a political contortionist of some renown, Hawley later struggled to explain why he’d fled the mob if, as he insisted, they were all “just peaceful tourists”.