Jury Expected To Find ‘Donald Skunk’ Guilty Of Room-Clearing Farts

Trump’s legal team has publicly denied a persistent rumour that his constant farting during his hush money trial, has led the jury to christen him ‘Donald Skunk’.

“Jesus Christ,” one said, “I really don’t think I could take one more of his eye-watering farts”.

For some time now, it’s been widely rumoured that Trump has been wearing a diaper to cope with some unspecified medical condition. Reports abound of an unspeakable odour in the courtroom that causes intense headaches and queasy stomachs.

“He talks about what he’ll do on ‘Day 1’,” the juror said, “well let me tell you what he did on Day 1 of this trial? He made all the little hairs in my nose fall out, that’s what he did!”

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a former Trump aide at the White House, confirmed Trump’s flatulence was now far worse than ‘Tooti’ Rudi Giuliani’s had ever been. “Sure, Rudi was a gassy little prick,” he said, “but whenever he cut one, it never made anyone lose their train of thought the way Trump’s do?”

Two army veterans attending the trial, described the stench as, ‘somehow worse than the smell of death’.

Later, The Washington Post reported that Justice Merchan was overheard saying “Who’s he to complain about gagging? We’ve all been gagging since this trial began.”